Bob’s Burgers movie information hits theaters this weekend (read our review!), giving us another chance to hang out with the Belcher gang.
We at Polygon decided the best way to commemorate the occasion was to pick out a few burgers from Bob’s Official Burgers Burger Book to cook and enjoy at home. Six of our intrepid employees chose a burger that sang to them (not quite literally, although you never know with Bob’s Burgers) and started making them at home.
Read our takeaways below, but first, a little message to Bob Belcher:
Bob, my friend. I know you have a passion for burgers and for food in general. But for God’s sake, spice up your dishes! I know your restaurant has been through a lot over the years, but maybe if you added a little seasoning to your burgers, people would keep coming back to your establishment for reasons other than the family atmosphere and good puns.
Without further ado, our burgers!
Hummus a Tune Burger — Nicole Clark
Ingredients: Beef for the galette, served with an egg, panko breadcrumbs, salt and pepper; chickpeas, cannellini beans, lemon, tahini and garlic for the hummus; red pepper and arugula as garnish
The process: I’ve always wanted to make homemade hummus, and this gave me a great excuse. I am also severely lactose intolerant and wanted to choose a burger without cheese. The other dietary restriction substitution I made was a gluten-free bagel for a traditional bun. We also replaced the arugula with lettuce, entirely because I misremembered. While my boyfriend made the patty and roasted the pepper, I focused on the hummus. The process was quite simple – I prepped the ingredients and threw them into a blender. Then we put everything together.
The result: I would note this 3 out of 5 spatulas – although the rating could have been higher if I went more on my instincts. The recipe didn’t call for enough lemon or garlic which made the hummus taste flat. Luckily the bell pepper added acidity and the arugula added a nice sharpness. With better hummus it would have been a 4 out of 5 for me!
The Unbreakable Kimchi Schmidt Burger – Chelsea Stark
Ingredients: Beef patties seasoned with salt, pepper, garlic powder and onion powder; green onion kimchi, purchased at a local Korean grocery store; American cheese; salad; bacon; mayonnaise mixed with a little mirin to add sweetness; toasted sesame seed bread
The process: I actually found this burger name in Bob’s Burger wiki list and not in the cookbook. So I tried to adapt a recipe based on what I thought would best accentuate the spiciness and sourness of the kimchi. I used a sweeter mayonnaise and American cheese, with salted bacon and fresh lettuce which I hoped would add balance.
The result: This burger has it all. As a pickle lover, the kimchi added the flavors I wanted with a satisfying heat. The only thing I wish I had considered doing was shredding the scallion kimchi even more as it made the bite harder. But it all goes so well with bacon and melted American cheese. I would definitely do this burger again, so I’m giving it away 4 of 5 signed Boyz 4 Now posters.
Blue is the hottest cheeseburger — Pete Volk
Ingredients: Veggie burger patty, hot sauce, butter, white vinegar, cayenne, white onion, all-purpose flour, milk, blue cheese, celery, buns, lettuce
The process: I was drawn to this burger for two reasons. Above all, my deep and unwavering love for blue cheese. And in college, I ate Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches for lunch far too many times (thanks to UMD South Campus Dining Hall). The idea of a burger that simulated bison wings with blue cheese was too intriguing to pass up.
I tried to incorporate as many puns into the cooking process as possible and talk to the burger and the cook as if they were people, like Bob. It mostly led me to talk to them like they were baseball players and I was their manager? Lots to consider.
It was honestly pretty easy to make – it’s not a very complicated burger. But it’s a two-sauce burger, which means a lot of pots and pans end up being used. And because our kitchen is about the size of a closet, we practically had to stand in the fridge to take the photos above. But that’s more of a problem for us.
The result: It was pretty good! I expected it to be more like hot sauce, but that’s not a complaint! The hot sauce was more of a nice undercurrent to the overriding blue cheese flavor (and for me it was perfectly fine). The celery is gone in there, which isn’t a complaint either – but if you wanted it to stand out as part of the meal, consider adding it as a fresh ingredient alongside (and dipping it into your leftovers of sauces – we halved the recipe but there was still way too much blue cheese sauce). The fact that Bob avoids seasoning his burgers is less of a big deal with this one, because the patties contain hot sauce, but we still added salt and pepper (come on, Bob!).
i will give this one 3.5 out of 5 Kuchi Kopis. We also ate it while watching Spy x Familyand eat a hamburger Bob’s Burgers while watching a different animated show about a dysfunctional family at work was perfect. An important note for future burger makers: my household has a lot of dietary restrictions and we’ve used a lot of substitutions. Your experience may be different!
The Cumin Cauliflower from Inside the Burger House — Sadie Gennis
Ingredients: Cauliflower, olive oil, whole milk, cilantro, cumin, lime juice, ground beef, pepper jack cheese, lettuce, tomato
The process: The first thing I noticed when reading the recipe was how little seasoning there was, so we decided to amp up the flavors every step of the way. This proved especially necessary for the cauliflower “mash”, which was not so much a mash as crushed, crunchy florets. We added more cumin, cilantro, and lime juice along with salt, pepper, and paprika, which saved the cauliflower from being a bland concoction to something that was actually pretty decent. I also like a condiment and was slightly horrified to see that there wasn’t a single one in the recipe. So while my husband was working on the galettes, I rushed to whip up a garlic aioli to spread on the toasted buns. (You’ll never find me toasting a bun. It’s just the best way to eat burgers and hot dogs.)
The result: It was totally and completely fine! My husband and I both thought it would probably have been better with ground lamb – although we’ll never confirm that suspicion since we’ve agreed we won’t make that burger again. We used the leftover cauliflower as a side to our salmon dinner the next night so that was a nice bonus. Overall the burger had some interesting flavors and textures but it didn’t seem balanced enough so I have to give it a 3 out of 5 oxen. The aioli, on the other hand, was delicious.
Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Zucchini Burger — Zosha Millman
Ingredients: Impossible burger meat (our substitution), zucchini, olive oil, yellow pepper, dill, plain yogurt, mini brioche buns
The process: These sliders were pretty easy to build, all things considered (although this review is brought to you by my partner, who is the real boss between us). Like others on this list, our house took liberties with the seasonings in the galette and sautéed zucchini. And also like others on this list, we would do it again.
The result: Although we put the yogurt sauce in the wrong place, you wouldn’t know it from the taste of the burger. The crunch of peppers! Zucchini and yogurt flavors! It all blended in with the earthiness of the burger in a way that gave you the full effect with every bite. We agreed that the burger looked like a 4 out of 5 grillmasters — a truly delicious burger, if not the best burger ever.
Bet it all on the black garlic burger — Danette Chavez
Ingredients: Black garlic, mayonnaise, ground beef, baby spinach, salt, black pepper, sriracha, mozzarella cheese, brioche bread
The process: I thought I was very strategic in choosing this burger, as it has a fairly simple recipe. I had no idea how hard it would be to find black garlic; I went to Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s and Standard Market before I remembered there is a well H Mart within the city limits. But once I secured the black garlic, the burger came together easily. I had already been warned about the under-seasoning, so I used my own mix* for the patty and tried to stick to the mayo recipe. Black garlic has a very subtle flavor, so we tried to avoid overpowering it with sriracha, but wanted the condiment to have a bit of a kick.
The result: Despite my Homeric journey in search of an elusive ingredient, keeping it simple has paid off. The burger was, shall we say, a bit basic, but it was undeniably tasty. I enjoyed the crunchiness of the baby spinach and the creaminess of the mozzarella. And the untoasted brioche bun, although soft, provided good support for the galette without soaking up all the mayonnaise. I would give it 3.5 “Order!” bells.